# How To Be Coached…

- Link: https://jarvislegacy.com/podcast/how-to-be-coached/
- Published: 2019-11-04T09:00:00-07:00
- Author: anchorwave

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How To Be Coached...

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If you really want to be successful, you need to learn how to be coached.

On this episode Russell speaks directly to those of us who were a little hurt by
his last episode about extreme ownership. He tells us why we feel the way we do,
and what we need to do in order to become coachable. Here are some of the insightful
things to listen for in this episode:

 * Why Russell thinks if you were hurt by the previous episode, you need to hear
   this message most.
 * How Russell learned to be coachable.
 * And why you need to become coachable in order to be successful.

So listen here to find out if you are coachable, and what you need to do to become
that way.

—Transcript—

Hey everybody, this is Russell Brunson. Welcome back to the Marketing Secrets podcast.
Today this is going to be kind of a continuation of last episode. I did a little
bit of a rant, but today I want to talk about how to be coached.

Alright so, I know that when I stepped into this role of marketing nerd, I don’t
know, chief marketing nerd at Clickfunnels, the person who is coaching other entrepreneurs
in how to market, I forget sometimes that I grew up being coached a lot like in 
wrestling and other sports, and so many aspects of my life. When I got in this business
and started hiring coaches, I hired relationship coaches for Collette and I, I hired
business coaches, I hired personality coaches, personal development coaches. I’m
just a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to hiring coaches, because I’ve
seen the value of having a coach.

And I forgot about the pattern that most people go through. I’m sure I went through
it as well, but what happens is, and again, because I think we come in this world
sometimes and I try to coach people and it’s interesting because they’ve never been
coached before, or not to the level where they thrive off it, and obsess about it,
and desire. Most of the people that I know that are really, really successful, have
coaches and they love it, and they thrive off of the feedback, and they get some
feedback and they’re like, “Yes!”  and they just run with it because they’re so 
excited that, “I paid for this feedback, I got it from this person I trust and I
just run with it.”

I think a lot of times people that haven’t been obsessed about it, or they haven’t
been in a super high level coaching before, they kind of go through a pattern. So
I’m going to talk about that pattern because I think a lot of people get this, and
I saw just over the last couple of days from the podcast that I did put out. And
first off, I just want to say with any podcast I’m putting out, the only reason 
why I publish something, it’s because I know it’s not one person struggling with
it, because there’s a lot of people struggling. If it was one person I wouldn’t 
publish a whole episode about it. When it’s a pattern that a lot of people are struggling
with, that’s when I make an episode. I don’t want to just serve one person, I want
to serve a thousand or 5 thousand, or ten thousand, however many I can reach with
my voice.

So you know, the lesson from the last podcast episode about extreme ownership, and
about publishing and being consistent, it wasn’t advice for one person, that was
advice for thousands of people who are struggling. So I want to kind of put that
out there. Number two, same thing with this. This is specifically because I saw 
the reaction from one person, but this coaching for everybody, otherwise I wouldn’t
put it out there. I wouldn’t waste my time, or your time, or anybody’s time.

Anyway, so what typically happens when somebody is newer to being coached or whatever,
the first thing the coach says, “Hey you need to change this.” The first, what do
they call that? I know with, what is it? First there’s denial, and grief, and like
grief suffering, or whatever, there’s the different layers of what happens. First
you grieve and then you get angry, there’s this whole process. It’s kind of the 
same thing with coaching, I’ve noticed.

When I first start working with entrepreneurs, or somebody I’m like, ‘This is what
you gotta do.” And I give them harsh feedback, like it’s not working right, this
is how to change. The very first thing is people get their feelings hurt. “Oh you’re
attacking me.” Like, “No, no, no you don’t understand. You hired me to be your coach.
This is, literally you paid me to do this thing for you. There’s nothing personal
here. There’s no personal. You paid me to look at you, find the flaws, and try to
fix them. I’m doing that.” I think the first phase of someone who’s knew to coaching,“
Oh my gosh, you’re attacking me.” No, no, no I’m not attacking. You paid me for 
this. You asked me to look at your problems and to fix them. That’s at the first
phase and I think a lot of people go through that, where they’re like, “Oh my gosh
you kind of personally attacked me.”

In fact, my guess is for any of you guys who listened to this podcast or any of 
mine when I say something that kind of irks you, where you’re just like, ugh, and
you get angry or frustrated or whatever, that’s why. It’s because you’re out of 
alignment with what you’re supposed to be doing. And you hear it, it’s like, “Oh.”
I’ve said that before on other episodes, like, “If you’re upset with this episode,
it’s probably for you.” Because that’s the first phase of it, that.

So that’s the first phase, then the second phase is people come back and start trying
to rationalize what they did, “No, no, no, I kind of did it. I’m doing this.” Then
they come back with this rationalization of, “I’m doing, it’s just not working.”
And come back to that, trying to again, take the blame off of them, which comes 
back to the whole extreme ownership thing I talked about in the last podcast episode.
They’re trying to take the blame off themselves because it doesn’t feel good. It
doesn’t feel good when someone’s coaching you and telling you, and pointing out,“
You did this wrong. This is the step, this is where you need to tweak, and where
you need to change.” So they try to take the ownership off themselves and come back
and be like, “No, I did that, there’s just some other external thing besides me 
that’s causing this problem. So that’s the second phase of this, of people being
coached.

And then from there it usually splits off in one or two directions. One direction
is that people end up saying, “Screw you, coach.” And then they just walk away and
that’s where the relationship ends. And the second side is they humble themselves
and be like, “Oh my gosh, I did pay you for this advice. You are my coach, I do 
trust you, therefore I will succumb to your ideas and do what you said. And that’s
kind of the other tier.

So that’s kind of the process I see people as they go through coaching. Number one,
it’s embarrassing for them, so they take it personal. Number two, then they get 
defensive, “No, no I am doing it kind of, just not right. I’m doing my best.” And
then number three is one of two directions, one is “Screw you coach, I hope you 
die.” Or number two, succumbing to the advice and saying, “You know what, I did 
pay you for this, you’re probably right, let me just go and do it.” And that’s when
they take extreme ownership and actually do the thing.

So that’s kind of the path, and I forget because, you know, right now I’m coaching
my boys on the wrestling team and I see it right now with the kids. Where they come
out there and do a move and I’m like, “Uh, you did it wrong.” And they’re like, “
Coach, why…you told me I did it wrong in front of everybody.” I’m like, “Yeah, because
I’m not trying to just teach you, I’m trying to teach everyone on the team, because
you weren’t the only person that was wrong, I just spotted you and I pointed it 
out. I’m showing it so the entire team can learn this process together.” So that’s
the first thing.

Then we come back and the second phase from the kids is like, “No, I did do it coach.
I did it right here. Here’s the move. I did it.” I’m like, “Technically you did 
it, but you did it wrong. That’s why I’m pointing this out. Your elbows were in 
the wrong position, your footwork was off. You did the move, you just did it wrong.
You didn’t pay attention. That’s why we’re breaking it down.”

Then the third phase is like, “Screw you coach. I’m going to do it this way because
that’s the way I did.” Or “Okay coach, how did that work? Walk me through it again,
so my elbow was up? My feet were in the wrong position, right?” and that person 
is coachable, that’s a person that takes extreme ownership and they’re coachable.
And I can help them, they become a better wrestler, right. And the same thing is
true in business, the same process.

So as I posted that episode a couple of days ago, I saw the pattern. They came back
and said, you know, feelings were hurt, then defensive, and then now that person
who is listening is probably at the crossroads of “Screw you, Russell. I hope you
die.” Or “Oh my gosh, I’m going to take extreme ownership and figure out how to 
listen with 100% accuracy.” And it’s up to that person to decide what they want 
to do, and it’s up to you, honestly.

Like I said, the more you get coached, and the more you’re open to it, and the more
willing you are, the faster you skip through the other phases. I’m at a spot now
when I hire someone to coach me, I want that pain. I’m paying for this pain. I’m
not going to get defensive, I’m not trying to show, “I did do that.” I’m just going
to stop, shut up, and listen and be like, “Okay, how can I be coached? What did 
I do wrong? This person obviously knows something different, they’re looking at 
it from an outside perspective, they care about me, I put their, I put my trust 
in them, therefore I’m going to trust them, and I’m going to listen.”

So for you the faster you can get to that point and skip the other ones, the faster
you’re going to be successful. It’s coming back and saying, look this is not personal
so I’m not going to get defensive about it. I’m not going to try to justify how 
I kind of did it. Instead I’m going to listen and be like, “You know what? I’m paying
for this person. This person has gone down this path, maybe from this outside perspective
they’re seeing something different than I am, because I’m so close to it.” And then
obviously not saying, “Screw you. I’m just going to walk away.” But saying, “Okay,
I’m going to listen with exactness, I’m going to cut everything else I’m doing and
just focus on the words you said, and not take it personal, and I’m going to do 
this, and I’m going to do it perfectly, just like you said.”

When I got better and better at wrestling, my dad and I would go seek out coaches.
We’d drive all around the state of Utah to where we found out there were good coaches.
We found out, “Hey there’s a good coach up in this city, this area.” And we would
drive there, and I would wrestle with the coach and they would watch me, I’d show
them film of me, stuff like that, and then they would just rip me apart. And I remember
at first it was hard. I’d be like, “No, blah, blah, blah.” But eventually I was 
like, “I’m paying this. We came this way to learn from this dude. I’m just going
to shut up and listen and I’m going to take every word of advice, and we’re going
to go back and practice it. Even if I don’t agree with it necessarily, doesn’t mean
I’m right.”

Even if I disagree with something, I can disagree with something and be completely
wrong, and I’m paying this person for their advice, therefore, I will listen to 
it, I will be grateful for it, I’m just going to do it.

And I remember it was probably junior year in high school, which was the year I 
won my state title. And I remember my coach, his name was Greg Williams, he was 
my freestyle Greco coach at the time, he’s now the coach at UVU. But anyway, I remember
I came off a match and I won, but I didn’t wrestle, I mean I thought I wrestled 
great because I won, so you know in my head it’s like, “I’m the greatest person 
in the world.” And he pulled me aside and said, “Russell, you suck at level changing.”
I’m like, “What do you mean?” He’s like, “You need to do this.” And he kind of showed
me this thing. I was like, ,”Okay.” So once again, I didn’t take it personal I’m
like, “Okay, I’m going to try it.

So the next match I went out there and he told me to do these level change things,
so I started doing level changings. And I did, I beat the next guy and I came off,
and I just remember Greg looking at me and he said, “You know what? You are not 
the best athlete on this team.” Like, “What? Screw you coach, yes I am.” No, but
he’s like, “You are not the best athlete on the team, but you know what you’ve got
that most of these other people don’t?” and I’m like, “No, what?” He’s like, ‘You’re
coachable. I tell you to do something and then you do it.” That’s it. That’s the
big secret you guys.

That’s why for the last decade and a half I’ve been in this business, and the prior
decade I was an athlete, I sought out coaching, and when the coaches said something,
I shut up and I listened and did what they said. I put my own ego aside, I put away
everything else, and if I wasn’t successful, again, it was me taking extreme ownership
like, “Okay, I lost, or I won but I didn’t do as well as I wanted to. This is my
fault, what does the coach have to say?” and I’d listen, and then I would do it.

That’s the big secret. The people that struggle are the ones who, they seek for 
coaching, they get it, and they go through these phases of like, defensiveness, 
and embarrassment. “Oh the coach called me out in front of everyone.” No, you’re
paying the person to do that. What an honor. How lucky are you that of all the people
that could have been there, you were the one that got the direct coaching. You’re
the one that got the customized, personalized coaching. In a wrestling room when
there’s 50 or 100 athletes in the room, the coach calls you out and stops everybody
and shows, calls you in like, “Look at Brunson’s shot, what did he do wrong? What’s
the reason? Where’s his…” Yeah, it can be embarrassing, but at the same time it’s
like, “Oh my gosh, I got personal attention from this person. I figured out exactly…
everyone else is learning in generalities, I’m learning specifically this is the
mistake I made. And here’s how to fix it and the angles I need to shift to make 
it.”

So anyway, I just want put this out there for all you guys because you’re all here.
If you’re listening to this podcast, or if you’re following me in any aspect, you’re
getting coached by me, right, directly or indirectly. And as you hear things, there
are going to be some things that cut a little bit, they’re like, ‘Oh, that sucks.”
But again, if it hurts, that means I’m probably speaking directly to you. That’s
number one. Number two, the faster you can get to just saying, ‘you know what? I’m
going to go and do that thing.” Again, the more coachable you can become, which 
my definition of coach-ability is just getting past those 2 or 3 tiers and just 
listening, and with exactness doing what the coach says. That’s when you have success.
That’s when I went from being an okay wrestler to being a state champ, to being 
an all American, to these things.

Business was the same thing. When I had my pride on the line, and I was seeking 
for coaching in my business, people would tell me, “Oh, oh no I do it this way. 
I do it this way.” I always have my own way to do things, but when I shut up and
started listening and said, “You know what maybe this person knows more, maybe they
care about me. Maybe I’m paying them to be my coach. I’m just going to do the exact
way that they said.” That’s when I started having success.

So especially for you guys who haven’t been through intense coaching through athletics
and other things, and you’re not used to that, become coachable. Get through it,
get past the ego that’s going to be painful. Get past the defensiveness, get past
the “Screw you, I hope you die.” coach, and get as quick as possible to “Okay, this
is a learning lesson. This person cares about me, they’re doing this because they
want me to be successful. What can I get from them? All these other feelings that
are getting in the way of my success, let me get rid of these feelings and focus
on the message at hand. What do they say? How can I do it?”

 Coach tells me to do a level change, all I do is I level change in the next match,
that’s it. And then what does my coach say, “Man Russell, you are so coachable.”
because I just listened and I’d do what they say. So that’s the lesson.

I hope this is for, I hope everybody who needed this right now is listening, I hope
this is good in any aspect of your life. And the other thing I would say on top 
of that is, seek out coaching. Collette and I hired Stacy and Paul Martino and went
to their relationship event, why? We have an amazing marriage, but we want it better,
so we sought coaching and we’re going out there, and we went together. And then 
Collette went last week by herself for 3 days for more. We’re seeking after coaching
still in every aspect of life, even the aspects we’re doing good, because good is
the enemy to great.

Anyway, I hope that helps. I just want you guys to be successful. Seriously, I don’t
need to keep doing this. I’m set. The only reason I keep talking, the only reason
I keep showing up, the only reason I wake up in the morning and go into the office
is because I actually care about you guys. I’m not doing this to be a jerk, I’m 
doing this because I want you to be successful. So I keep sharing the things that
I’ve found to be successful. And sometimes it’s not going to be comfortable, and
that’s okay. It’s not supposed to be. If it was comfortable, everybody would be 
millionaires walking down the street having a good time. It’s supposed to be hard,
supposed to be painful. That’s how you earn this stuff. You go through the process,
you go through the pain, and the reward when you stick through it, when you humble
yourself, when you listen, when you follow the process, you have success in the 
business.

So get past the ego and the feelings and those things as quick as possible and become
coachable. Listen, follow with exactness, do what your coach says, trust them, believe
in them, because you already asked them for their help. So when you get it, don’t
shy away from it, don’t run from it. Embrace it with both hands and run with it,
and be grateful that you had the opportunity to get the personalized stuff. Most
people don’t get that all the time.

Anyway, I hope that helps. I appreciate you all, thanks for listening and go out
there and have success. That’s all I really want in life. Go crush it. Go get the
Two Comma Club award. I want to hand you an award onstage at Funnel Hacking Live,
which by the way, if you don’t have your tickets yet, they are selling fast as we’re
announcing speakers. We’ve sold out 5 years in a row and we will sell out again 
this year. So go get your tickets if you haven’t yet, at FunnelHackingLive.com. 
Get around some of the most amazing entrepreneurs in the world.  We all want to 
coach you, we’re there for you, we want you to be successful, and we’re dedicating
tons of our time, effort and money. This even will cost me over 3 million dollars
out of my own pocket to put it on for you, and you’ve got to pay $1000 for a ticket
to show up.

So I’m putting my money where my mouth is, I want to make sure you are successful.
And I am investing a lot in you, so now you’ve got to invest a little back in yourself
to show up, get to the event, where we can change your life. So if you don’t have
your ticket yet, go to FunnelHackingLive.com.

With that said, appreciate you all, thank you, and listen to your coaches. They 
care about you, they’re not here for their health, they’re here for yours so pay
attention, do what they say, and if you do, you’ll be successful. Thanks so much
for everything you guys, and we’ll talk soon. Bye everybody.